Finding Balance: Practicing Gratitude Amid Life's Struggles
As I write this, I can’t help but notice how unusual it feels to dedicate a journal entry to gratitude. Given the current political climate and widespread violence in our world, it might even seem insensitive to pause and reflect on what’s going well.
I often encourage my clients to honor all their emotions. Usually, this means making space for “negative” feelings, like frustration, hurt, or guilt. But recently, I’ve found myself wondering why I don’t equally emphasize space for gratitude. When I celebrate wins with clients, the moment tends to come and go. Yet, when difficult emotions arise, I challenge them to slow down and take time to process. As a clinician striving for balance, I felt moved by this realization. So today, I want to explore gratitude and why it deserves a place in our daily lives.
What is Gratitude?
First, let’s clarify what gratitude is not: it’s not toxic positivity. This term has gained attention in recent years to describe an overemphasis on positivity that diminishes the importance of acknowledging difficult emotions. Phrases like “Look on the bright side!” or “It could be worse” can reflect toxic positivity. While optimism has its place (more on that later), it shouldn’t come at the expense of honoring your genuine emotions.
So, what is gratitude? Robert Emmons, a renowned psychologist, describes gratitude as “a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life.” He emphasizes that gratitude is twofold—it can be an emotion or a practice. Gratitude also connects us with the social side of our nature, as it typically involves recognizing others and appreciating experiences outside of ourselves.
Why is it Difficult to Practice Gratitude?
Humans are neurologically and psychologically inclined to focus on what’s wrong—a tendency called the negativity bias. Our brain’s memory center prioritizes memories of danger so that we can use that knowledge to stay safe in the future. This likely developed from centuries of humans assessing threats for survival; the more tuned in we were to potential threats, the better our chances of survival! Negative events also tend to disrupt our routine, so they stand out more starkly than positive experiences, which typically fit more seamlessly into daily life.
Many of us have probably experienced forced gratitude at some point. For instance, I think of Thanksgiving: sitting at the table, being asked to share what I’m grateful for, spending ten minutes in my head thinking of what to say, and missing everyone else’s responses! The guilt of not being able to think of something sooner only compounds this awkwardness.
There’s a reason we call it practicing gratitude—it doesn’t always come naturally. Like developing a muscle, we have to exercise our appreciation for what’s good consistently.
Why Should I Make Space for Gratitude?
Genuine gratitude can bring meaningful benefits to our relationships, mental health, and even physical well-being. Personally, though, I find that gratitude primarily provides a sense of purpose. A life without gratitude feels hollow. Recognizing what’s good today gives me hope that there will also be good tomorrow. Gratitude reminds me that I can cultivate a fulfilling life, regardless of the circumstances. It’s not merely an antidote to difficult emotions—it broadens our awareness of the blessings around us. Robert Emmons captures this well:
“Practicing gratitude magnifies positive feelings more than it reduces negative feelings.”
While it’s essential to acknowledge our struggles, it’s equally valuable to be thankful for what’s going well. Here are some ways I plan to practice gratitude:
Savoring pleasurable sensory experiences, like hearing others laugh or enjoying a yummy meal.
Ending each day by writing down three things I appreciated.
Noticing small moments of convenience or ease, like finding a great parking spot or having an extra 30 minutes of downtime.
If you take away anything from this entry, I hope it’s this: what’s going well deserves space too.
Thanks for reading,
— Kassandra